


I Built My Life Around You

by crymeariverffs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Loss, Gen, Harry Potter is a Good Friend, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, I forgot to add this, M/M, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Remus Lupin is Bad at Feelings, Swearing, Why Did I Write This?, ig? idk, not really friend but you know what i mean, screaming too, so much crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 02:08:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30132396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crymeariverffs/pseuds/crymeariverffs
Summary: what happened when sirius died.
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Harry Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 8





	I Built My Life Around You

**Author's Note:**

> title is from a fleetwood mac song called landslide

he couldn’t think. his ears were ringing and his eyes were clouding. he grabbed harry as he screamed and threw himself around. 

he was gone. 

sirius black was dead. 

and there was nothing anyone could do about it. 

-

when they got back to grimmauld place later harry had red rimmed eyes and remus hadn’t said a word. 

when they walk inside he practically bolted up to the room him and sirius shared when they did sleep. 

as soon as the door shut and remus casted a shaky muffliato charm. he broke down. 

cries caught in his throat. he struggled to breath. 

he clutched his wand to his chest, the end stabbing his chin a little. 

he didn’t care. he didn’t notice. 

he sank against the wall and sobbed. 

he didn’t know how much time had passed. all he knew is that he was angry. 

angry with himself. angry with stupid fucking death eater. stupid war. but most of all. 

he was mad at sirius. 

he was angry that he lied to him. he promised. 

“YOU FUCKING PROMISED ME” remus screamed into the dark room. 

“YOURE A FUCKING LIAR SIRIUS. HOW DARE YOU” he leaned his head to face the ceiling as he screamed his words. 

“YOU PROMISED THAT YOU WOULDNT LEAVE ME AGAIN. WHY. WHY DO YOU HAVE TI BE GONE” the last of his words breaking off into a blood curdling scream. 

“i’m not ready for this” he said in a small voice 

“please come back. you always come back to me.. where are you now? where are you when i need you most?” shaky sobs caught in throat at the end of each of his sentences. 

he couldn’t breath properly. 

“what am i gonna do now? huh? who am i gonna go to now sirius? WHO DO I HAVE. FUCKING WHO. YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE I HAD. I TRUSTED YOU WITH MY LIFE. PLEASE JUST FUCKING COME BACK”

he screamed and screamed until his throat felt like sand paper. 

tears were spilling from his eyes and every so often his body would shake with another sob. 

he heard a knock. it startled him. 

he quickly wiped his face as best he could. he knew he looked like shit, he wasn’t gonna pretend he didn’t. 

his nose runny, his mouth wet with spit and tears, his eyes as red as if he’d poked them with a rusty fork. 

he walked to the door and went to open it. as he put his hand on the knob a cry shook through his body. he whiled himself to keep together for the few seconds the person on the other side of the door needed. 

“who is it?”

“..it’s harry..” he sniffled

harry. oh god harry. 

he opened the door and was faced with a 16 year old who looked as if he was a three year old who’s just had his pet dog killed. 

and if remus chuckled darkly at the irony, that was for him to know.

“what can i do for you, harry?” remus tried, and failed, at being as well kept as he could. 

“uh.. can.. i come in for bit?” he was shaking, his knuckles drumming in between his other hands fingers.

“yes, of course.. yes”

harry took a seat on the bed in the still dark room. remus made note of that and turned the lights on after telling harry to “watch your eyes”

remus sat next to harry. he knew they were both trying not to cry. he could feel the weight of it all on his shoulders and he bets harry could as well. 

“so-“

“can-“

“sorry.. uhm i was just gonna ask how uhm.. why.. you were screaming.. and if you were okay..” harry asked sheepishly

shit. remus thought. he knew the charm wouldn’t keep to his cries. 

“i’m just.. angry.. and sad” his words caught in his throat and he sniffled

“angry? at who? bellatrix?”

“at sirius”

“at-“

“it’s complicated, harry.. i’m sorry.. i don’t really want to get-“

“no no, it’s.. everyone’s.. different.. i guess..”

they were silent for a while. enough time had passed for tears to slip from both their eyes. 

“.. i’m mostly angry because.. he was the best at helping me..” harry looked up “in these.. situations. overwhelmed with emotion. if not him then.. well james.. as well..”

harry was silent. he didn’t know what to say.. there was only one thing he could think of

“well.. i’m often told.. that i remind people of my father” he pushed his glasses up his nose “so.. maybe.. maybe we could” tears starting spilling out faster and his words were faltering. 

remus got the message. 

he leaned over and embraced harry in a bone crushing hug. 

he hugs like james, remus thought distantly. 

they stayed like that for the rest of the night. erratic sobs into the others shoulder as they mourned their loss. 

they fell asleep with harry on remus’ chest. clutching at the jumper he was wearing as remus slid his finger through harry’s horribly disheveled hair. yet another feature he picked up from james. 

-

sirius o. black, nov. 4, 1959 - june 18, 1996

**Author's Note:**

> loml, basically this took way after i started crying cause i saw a remus lupin tiktok on instagram and started to lose my shit. and so yea came up with this... not sure what to say i’m sad and i’m sorry?


End file.
